Fighting For $$$

Me spots a street youth with a sign that reads: WILL FIGHT YOU FOR $$$.

Me
(points to sign)
Do a lot of people take you up on that?

Youth
A few.

Me
(sizes up the guy for a minute)
Okay, dude, let’s do it.

Youth

Fight?

Me
Yeah. You’re younger and got a few inches on me but I think I can beat you. How much money are we fighting for?

Youth
Uh, well, $5?

Me
Hmmm... I don’t know, there are only 3 dollar signs on your sign.

Youth
Um... Well...

Me
It’s okay, I’m feeling pretty confident. How do we start? Is there a starting position like in collegiate wrestling or do we just start wailing on each other?

Youth
Um... You have to give me the money first.

Me
What? No way. You’ll have to beat me before you get my money.

Youth
That’s not how it works. You give me the $5 and then I fight you.

Me
What kind of a contest is that?

Youth
It’s not a contest, it’s like, uh, a service.

Me
WHAT?!? I’m paying to fight with you?

Youth
Yeah.

Me
Why would I do that? Are you some sort of master at combat?

Youth
No.

Me
Then why would I pay you for a fight? I could fight most of the people on this street for free. I could even just start hitting you for free.

Youth
Yeah, but, if you don’t pay me, I won’t fight back.

Me
It’ll still be a fight though. Just a quick one.

Youth
No it won’t, it’ll be more like, um, a beating.

Me
A beating is a fight. It just means one guy was that much better. Besides, if I started punching you, you’d defend yourself.

Youth
Not if I didn’t get the money first.

Me
So, you’d just stand there and let me punch you over and over again on principle... for free?

Youth
Yes.

Me
Well, if I can punch you for free why would I ever pay you for it?

Youth
You’re paying for me to punch you back.

Me
Why would I pay for that?

Youth
Because then it would be, like, more of a challenge.

Me
I should pay you to make something more difficult for me? That doesn’t make any sense. People pay for things to be easier not harder.

Youth
Okay, $3.