Engineering

Eaton Centre. Large group of students dressed in coveralls and hard hats milling around.

Student
Do you have a minute for cystic fibrosis?

Me
(glancing at non-existent watch)
Yes. Go.

Student
You’re not wearing a watch.

Me
56 seconds...

Student
We’re Ryerson engineering students and we’re helping to raise money for cystic fibrosis. For $2 I’ll let you throw a water balloon in my face.

Me
You’re engineering students and all you came up with was balloons and a sign?

Student
What do you mean?

Me
Aren’t you guys supposed to be building bridges and stuff?

Student
We’re electrical engineers.

Me
Okay, but you’re not using any electricity either.

Student
Electricity doesn’t mix well with water balloons.

Me
Yes, but why use water bal... Never mind... Do I have to use your balloon?

Student
Well, uh, do you have your own water balloon?

Me
No. But I think I could get one if I really had to.

Student
We have plenty here.

Me
Yes, but is the cost of the balloon covered by the two dollars.

Student
Uh, yeah, it’s all covered.

Me
There are no hidden costs in this.

Student
No, it’s a charity thing.

Me
Yeah, but I don’t want you suddenly charging some sort of latex thing.

Student
It’s just $2!

Me
Okay. Fine. What do I do?

Student
Here’s a balloon. Throw it in my face.

Me
I think I’m going to need more direction than that.

Student
Dude, it’s simple, just throw the balloon at my face.

Me
I’m just concerned that I might...

Student
We have a line forming!

Me
Okay, okay.

Me rears back and throws the balloon at Student. The balloon explodes soaking the guy.

Student
FUCK!

Me
What?

Student
(blood streaming down his face)
Shit! I think you broke my nose. What’s wrong with you?

Me
You told me to throw a water balloon in your face. We were curing cystic fibrosis.

Student
I said, “Throw it.”

Me
I did!

Student
You don’t follow-through!

Me
I didn’t know.

Student
You basically just punched me in the face.

Me
I thought that’s how you do it. You gave me no instructions. I asked for instructions.

Student
You shouldn’t need instructions for throwing a water balloon. What were you thinking?

Me
I thought I had to hit you in the face with it. Like a pie or a boxing glove.

Student
It doesn’t work that way, you fucking asshole.

Me
Well, you’re the engineering student, you would know.

Student
Just give me the $2 and get the fuck out of here.

Me
(looking for two bucks)
You know, a business student would have asked for this upfront.