One Gun Added

With the recent talk of school shootings and firearm registries I have been thinking a lot about guns. Even though I have not discussed the issue at great length with any of the anti-gun lobbyists (or actual gun owners, for that matter), I believe I have figured out the perfect gun control plan:

One gun.

I know, I know. But stay with me.

The government offers a single gun to the public, to be rented on a weekly basis. And for that week the renter is entirely responsible for the proprietorship and up-keep of ‘the weapon.’ Any legitimate activities or crimes committed during the week will be entirely the responsibility of the renter, with all damages paid by them. Think of it as a timeshare. But instead of a condo in Aspen, you get one week with an automatic weapon.

And this won’t be just any old gun. I’m talking about a real kick-ass hand cannon. I know next to nothing about guns, but I figure we could assemble a team of the world’s top firearm enthusiasts to decide which scopes and mounts and cartridges should be used. Not even a tank will be able to stop this thing.

I’m sure a few of you are thinking, ‘This is way too good to be true.’ But I should warn you it’s not going to come cheap. The gun industry is a $2 billion per year business, and suddenly switching to producing one gun, from millions of guns, could financially-cripple the men and women who make their living producing weapons. The only solution I can see is to charge $40 million per week to rent the gun.

I realize it’s not entirely fair the gun would only be available to the richest of the rich. And normally, I would agree and try to figure out the best way to create subsidies and scholarships the government could offer to help everyone afford gun time. But fortunately, I realized, gun owners tend to be small-l libertarians and conservatives who are philosophically opposed to any and all government handouts, and would instead embrace the free market plan I have created. Because if they didn’t they’d be total hypocrites.

I discussed the idea with an American gun-owning friend of mine. She had some reservations:

“That idea might fly in Canada,” she said. “But we have something called The Second Amendment…The Right to Bear Arms.
And in case you didn’t notice ‘arms’ is plural.”

I can't argue with that logic. But I’m not deterred. And so I’ve come up with a slightly revised plan:

Two guns.